It’s the kind of things you don’t really get to show or let people around you notice. Generally speaking, today i had a good day. I managed to take myself out of the house and explore parts of Melbourne. Had a chance to meet up with an old friend and catch up. Dinner, laughs and good times. Then there’s always that moment when you have time to have no other thoughts but the ones that you keep in the back of your mind. Thoughts that you’d think you’d have gotten over. Or more like the thoughts and feelings that still linger because you were dumped for being a shit boyfriend. Yup… I was a shit boyfriend. Not something i’m proud of doing, but if being honest to myself and to everyone will allow me to grow and become a better person, then yes, i admit to my own faults and flaws and will make sure not to be a product of the past, but become a newer more better version that has learned from my past.
At times, it is easier to deal with your past versions, but at this moment… or today i should mention, has not been terribly pleasant for me. In saying so, i know what i’m capable of as a dancer and as an artist. Those aspects and characteristics that i own are mine and i am so excited to share them with you all.
Think 2 days later, and this is me, at home with the guys. How am i feeling…? well safe to say, i’m alive. I’m a little bit here and a little there. I’m understanding of where i’m supposed to go, but i’m still sensitive about the situation. I’m exhausted and scared about the tomorrows. Where will i be? Who will i be? Who will i be with when i’m there? I must really be tired. I sound ridiculous. I need to sleep and possibly just have a nice warm shower.
… And now it’s the morning.
Looking back at what i’ve written over the past 4 days, i must seem crazy and out of it. I should really mention that i brought up dance because its one of the main things pushing me to move on from the situations i’ve been going through. And for the longest time i had never allowed it to make me better, but now, or for 2014, i’m ready to show myself what i’m truly capable of. I am sad, broken but i will overcome because i have matured slowly over the past few months. I shouldn’t lie to myself, i mean at least i know whilst being sad or feeling blue, i have been happy and happy to find my purpose or reasons to be me. I’m just hoping that one day all of these mixed up feelings will make more sense sooner than later.
But for now… its time to be the best version of me today. Not for everyone but for myself. This is my battle and defeat is not an outcome. March… i’m coming for you. =]