How do I begin to write this all up? Let me see.
I’m in bed, contemplating how I managed to get myself to this point. Maybe as an artist emotions and the environment have plenty to do with how we operate or how we decide to do the things we do. I for one am deeply controlled by that and at times I believe it to be a positive characteristic. However, as I lay in bed, all my past emotions are stacking and weighing me down.
Maybe it’s the fact I’m not fully over my ex, or the fact I’m still dealing with my own personal life insecurities, or regular negative Asian standards that I have yet to resolve or even the fact that I am simply self sabotaging my already awesome life that I created for myself. Funny how when you write it all out it makes sense.
Did I just solve my own problem?
Case and point, we are in control of us and thus the more I focus on the things I cannot change the more I will waste my time and time is always moving regardless of me laying here and wanting things to be slow for one second. It’s like I lost that exciting part of loving the moments and creating exciting opportunities.
It might just be cause I’m tired, but I guess I just wanted to feel that hint of pain, remind myself of how stupid I was. Yes I made mistakes and yes that was in the past. So leave it there and never look back.
Makes me wonder how much needless hours of thinking I waste on these things… Sigh. Better get out of bed.